I am sorry

if you happen to read this blog , i am already mia for very long from you. i know you don't love me anymore.
if there is a choice given to me i rather don't want to earn so much money, just stay as a small clinical nurse and live happily forever after. we used to be a happy and loving sweet couple .everything is too late now. It is my fault that i lost you.
i didnt treasure you. i dont want to burden you anymore, i choose to leave this way. the kiss in the cab was a goodbye kiss. Hope you excel in your studies. You are still the one i love till now, never ever change. i am sorry for everything. Hope you will forgive me. Wish you all the best.

May Post

As per normal currently at Boyfriend's house blogging and is a Saturday night, tomorow got work.=.= 

Today is the 19th going to 20th soon , 8 more days to my pay again ! yeah ! And end of May ! I love June because is school holiday for my boyfriend and we won't be wearing those sickening uniform already! Regaining our original uniform . So cool! Recently quite busy with work and my studies.Next month end starting of my exam already. Hope can pass man. Recently so many quarrels with mother and boyfriend. 

I don't know why also. Yesterday after quarrel i just went to sleep after he walked out of the house. I didnt even chased after him. What's happening to me ? Today just got into a big quarrel with mother over a stupid small matter at hougang mall. WTF ? Why is this happening to me ? Seriously i really hope that my own mother

sometime can be understanding, but that will never happen i guess. The good news is she told me that she had found a job and i am quite happy about that, at least she have something to do. And cut me off some slack. phew..

Talk about my boyfriend, we are going to our 8th month already i think about 2 weeks more. Recently, I just 

felt that me and him felt like stranger to each other. No longer that close anymore. Wondering what's happening. Does he still love me as much as before ? And today just keep asking me to change my style of wearing. Is he trying to hint that i shouldnt wear so childish or immature already ? Is he started to despise me already ? I am wondering alot of things, i do not know what is he thinking anymore. I am afraid of losing him. But is he afraid of losing me too ? Is he still feeling the same way towards me like before ? There is so many doubts about him. Maybe we both had a hectic lifestyle so talked less to each other too. And i had so many stress too. Stress about my own future , my studies and everything. I felt so lonely deep down in my heart . 

Does anyone knows that ? 

Talk about myself, i don't even know recently what i am doing. I just feel so lost and feel so fail. Nobody listen

to me. Forever is my fault. Like nothing is correct. I swear i will study hard to get that fcuking O level cert and at least further my studies to get a much high pay job. I am also wondering will i last with him ? Will he get tired of me ? Will he find me a nuisance sooner or later ? There is so many doubts and i don't feel like thinking abut it . All i want is to be happy . That's all. 

Newest Update

hello guys, this is sera here . OMG so long never update my blog already , collecting dust soon . LOL .
Well this few months there is quite alot of changes between me and him. He went to Poly and i started to prepare for my O level oral examination soon. After he went poly, wow he is leading a hectic lifestyle man. Everyday tons of homework for him to do, but he still manage to find the time for me which is on weekend and whenever he can , all the little things he done for me , i appreciate it alot . haha my little baby is sleeping beside me, looking so cute and innocent omg . Recently weekend also hanging out with Jer and Xueyi at hougang chambers there. This couple is great man. No doubt.
As for me and my mum (holyshit...), is still the same. quarrels and fights is always there. There is also alot of changes in me too , physical appearance and of course character. Well, not for u guys to know =)


As for my baby, i dont' know what else to say to him. I want to tell him so much but no words can describe my feelings towards him . He is such a wonderful boyfriend seriously. I am so happy that he had failed relationship in the past because if wasnt for those bitches, i wouldnt have gotten such a great guy. He really motivates me alot and changes my life. Everyday i am living in a meaningless lifestyle except for weekends because during weekends he is there to spend his time with me and i felt like a human then. I only smile during weekends and as for the other days i dont think so . OKay thats for now. Bye

this week is not so happy , feeling so moody. =.= 

baby, i am so sorry to let u worry . i will be fine soon okay ?

omg tmr suddenly got doctor again . Might be a very busy day =.= 

cant even rest properly. 

Recently so many things to do and work is so busy and stressful . 

This coming week i am helping chuen oi to cover night shift so means

this week i will be doing 2 day full shift omg so tired =.=. 

then on the march i got to cover kat two monday night also. which means 2 weeks 2 day full shift at a row omg. dun even know sunday nid to cover anot . hope can have a proper rest day . =.= . 

on our anniversary month baby got test on the 5th so i must go home on the saturday or sunday morning ?

den march still got so many things nid to worry on my mind . march is not a gd month . Hope april faster come. Cos april everything will be smooth already . 

today go watch ghost rider2 movie with baby. i know he not much money left already . 

but he still bring me go watch movie . i feel so touched that i am much more impt than his money to him . 

that makes me even wan to return his money asap . i everyday reminding myself this and that . kip giving myself so many stressful thing. =.= i cant live without stress i think . 

I am feeling so tired . no matter how hard i try , i just feel that we are both from different world. 

we just dun meant to be together . i just feel that way . i love him so much . but sometimes things dun get in our way , thats fate.i really feeling so tired, he dun seems to understand whye am i feeling so afraid to lose him .

he dun get cheated so many times, he dun get the fear, he dun know everything . he dun understand how important is he to me, losing him is just like losing my life , i dun know wat to do . life is meaningless without him . and somehow or rather i dun know how he know i am crying every night . i just dun know wat to do also. i am afraid of losing him becos i love him too much . recently had been helping out colleague to cover shift , i hope every minute i am working or else studying so tat i dun have the time to think so much , i rather overwork myself than having myself so sad. everytime promises tat are given to me is empty promises. i am just afraid that this time is also another empty promises. sometimes alone at home , i feel so happy . i am not even happy now . i just feel like being alone now . the sadness i am feeling now even myself dun even know how to describe. he dun allow me to cry . the onli place i can cry is my own room , my own bed, no one else will disturb me . i just feel like blogging becos i want to shout everything out , but i cant... he just feel i am rediculous, maybe. Everyone just think i am at fault , mum and relative think that he is just playing my feelings, out there there are more pretty and nice girl than me , how would he even look at me . i dun know who to believe now . If i were to be more pretty and slim , maybe i can capture his heart more ? i have nothing compare to those girls, they go shopping weekly or daily, talking fashion with friends, gossiping and busying making-up , i have nothing, no money, no looks nothing, educational level also nothing, i dun know what else i have. Maybe they are right too , i am just a burden anyway . A stupid burden , that's all , i am being born for a reason; to be a burden . i want to go home now . home ....

Clean the dust out

Well my baby complained that i didnt blog much these few days, i kinda think so too hahas and i decide to blog now, i just finished my script writing*Phew* so i'm pretty free, Lets see what should i write about.... hmm

Well one things for sure i miss my baby alot and she is studying hard right now.

Oh about last weekend! Me and my baby wanted to to go out shopping but we decided to watch "I Not Stupid 2" first before we leave , we watched , We laughed , she cried Soo hard, its soo cute. After watching we head out to Compassvale Mall , it was alright, i tought it was like some normal outing like

1) Having out "Mr. Bean" Ice cream
2)Go Window shopping
3) Laugh at some Fat and or ugly people
4)Buy ourselves some Banana Cake

But that day was different , she Bought me a Wallet!!!!! , and i always wanted one since mine were torn and tattered and smelled like my butt.
Its the wallet i always wanted, its Black in color , the Material feels Man with its brown texture inside the note pocket and it has a coin pouch! * LIKE FINALLY!*

Thank you baby for this wonderful present i love you soo much.

well after all that and we went home to get some rest. but just as we were about to settle down, Andy called saying he has a problem and the police came ,we rushed to his house Via Taxi . When we get there the police were already gone *dammit!* looking forward to see one

I was concerned about him at first but as me and baby stepped in the room our minds started to wonder about
this is what we were thinking when Andy were explaining things out

Me: Why is his eyes soo small.... Can he really see with only half of his eyeballs visible?
Baby: Why is the room soo smelly?

LOL when i found out that me and my baby were thinking about other things we laughed our asses out!!!

After our whole talk with Andy we decided to go home and get some rest.

***BONUS***
*Things i remember that is damn fun and funny to me* (baby dont get angry*
1) Poke inside her and it hurt her cos of my fingernail
2) Poke her asshole and she Jumped
3) Cried watching "I Not Stupid 2"
4) Cried watching "Kung Fu Panda"
5) Had a nosebleed
6) Slept like a baby *Cute*

OH YA WHY MY GODMATHER GAVE MY GIRLFRIEND HONG BAO WHILE ME AND MY BROTHER DON'T HAVE !!!!!!!!!!! ARGH


okay thats about everything hahas , goodnight world , goodnight my baby dear ~ with lots and lots of love

So long never post already . Ke lian de blog, almost have dust and mould already .
Recently work had been very busy and tiring . Got some quarrels with baby too =x
Baby so sorry for the hurt i caused u . Hope we from now on don't quarrel over small
and misunderstandings anymore. I love you. Muax.

Yesterday is baby's bdae. HAHAHA! Celebrated with his family and good friends.
We gave him a surprise and he was really surprise and shock. Till now still cant forget
the epic look he had yst LOL. Ah too bad i cant accompany him cos next day got to work
so i just sleep first. AND I SNORE FINALLY ! LOL. HAPPY .

Today got reunion dinner at baby's grandma house, baby's mother invited me go.
Was quite touched and sad at the same time. I cant really believed tat my own family wouldnt wan
to eat reunion dinner with me and i had to eat with my bf's family =.= .
Come to think of it , how pathetic is that. But nvm , after the reunion dinner , we went to MUSTAFA
CENTRE shop for new year stuff . haha today had a great time. i feel happy today .
So tired now . Got to slp already . Guess is goodnight to everyone already ! . bye!